Government Discovers Cure for All Diseases

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After decades of social, political, economical, moral, and educational downfall that has turned the state of Bihar into a global laughing stock, the state government has finally discovered the miracle drug that is certain to cure all these problems and turn Bihar into a Shangri-La – a place where no crime takes place; education standard is above national average, roads are like 'Hema Malini ka Gaal', leaders are morally equal to Lord Buddha, and corruption is a word that only exists in dictionaries.

Yes, it's true. Such cure – or the magic potion – has been found in Bihar and it's called 'WhatsApp'. (Note: If you have to ask what WhatsApp is, please stop reading; this article is not for you.)

Did I hear you say if I am kidding? No, not at all! Bihar government and the great Bihari bureaucracy has figured out ways to solve all social and economic ills by using WhatsApp to turn Bihar into a paradise where milk and sweets flow and alcohol is served in only BJP-run states.

Here, let me explain this new 'miracle drug' to you. In the last couple of years or so, nearly all government departments – from Patna Police to Patna Municipal Corporation (PMC) – have touted their 'discovery' of this amazing invention to solve problem of any kind. Too much crime in the state? Bihar police has formed a group on WhatsApp to report crime and catch criminals like 'T. J. Hooker' or 'Starsky and Hutch' could have never imagined. Water-logging problem in your area? PMC has started using WhatsApp to monitor areas plagued with water-logging. Doctors not on duty in hospitals? You can complain about it on a group specifically formed by the hospitals. Same goes for teachers missing from classrooms and babus missing from their desks.

Here is what NDTV reported today, June 30, 2016:

Bihar Deputy Chief Minister Tejashwi Yadav has decided to use instant messaging platform Whatsapp to help construct and repair roads, officials said on Thursday.

Tejashwi, 26, has released a WhatsApp number (9470001346) for people to click a picture of a bad road and send it in order to get repair work done.

"In Bihar, people can now directly WhatsApp the conditions of roads under the Output and Performance Based Road Assets Maintenance Contract (OPRMC) to bring more quality and efficiency," Tejashwi, who is also road construction minister, tweeted.

Never mind the effectiveness of this device or what "Output and Performance Based Road Assets Maintenance Contract (OPRMC)" means; just trust the minister that it's something good for the state. Got it?

And they say Bihar government doesn't have any real plan to improve the situation! Take that, you Nitish-baiter!

However in our rush to give credit to our dynamic Deputy Chief Minister and Bihar Road Construction Minister Shri Tejashwi Yadav, let's not forget the babus from other departments who had already figured out the 'miraculous' properties of this invention.

In the last couple of years, nearly all departments have held lavish press conferences to let the world know how the bureaucrats technocrats of Bihar are light-years ahead of the rest of the nation. Here is a small sample of how our 'oh-so-progressive' government is changing the landscape of Bihar.

Crime control:
http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-bihar-police-turns-to-use-whatsapp-network-2191777

Filing complaint about piling garbage on streets:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-03-28/whatsapp-wielding-vigilantes-want-garbage-off-india-s-streets

Filing complaint about someone wasting water:

http://www.patnadaily.com/index.php/news/11684-water-rationing-goes-in-effect-in-patna.html

And if you Google hard enough, you'll find nearly all government offices and departments touting their amazing ability to use WhatsApp to solve Bihar's problem.

So lesson for you kids out there – Got a problem? Start a WhatsApp group. It sounds very progressive and 21st century, has all the elements of giving the image of being 'techno-savvy', and doesn't even cost any money besides having a smart-phone (paid by taxpayers' money) and a data line (also paid by the same taxpayers who had earlier paid for ministers and babus laptops and then for tablets before they were relegated into the 'trash folder' for not being 'dummy-proof' – er, I mean 'user friendly'.

How's that for a cash-strapped state like Bihar? And they say we are not 'jugadu' enough!

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