How to Re-write History and Influence Voters

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Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present you India's most dynamic leader who, after centuries of oppression imposed upon us by the Mughals and the British, has pledged to finally set us all free from their tyranny by abandoning or destroying monuments built by them and by re-writing history of India which will not have any mention of the 'Dark Age' between 1526 and 1947.

Please welcome Sangeet Som, a BJP legislator from Sardhana constituency in Uttar Pradesh, a man of amazing intellect who does not shy away from dazzling people from his brilliance like when he said that Shah Jahan, the 'Mughal tyrant' and the builder of the Taj Mahal, had imprisoned his father in the nearby Red Fort in Agra.

UP legislator Sangeet SomUP legislator Sangeet Som"Taj Mahal does not deserve to be in the list of tourist attractions in Uttar Pradesh because Shah Jahan was a tyrant who had imprisoned his own father in the Red Fort," Sangeet Som (literal meaning: music and alcohol), provided an example of his brilliant mind.

So, it is clear that for the past 400 years or so (give or take), our history teachers taught us wrong when they said that Shah Jahan's son Aurangzeb imprisoned his father in the Red Fort where he died slowly while watching the Taj Mahal, the symbol of his love for his wife Mumtaz Mahal, through the ledge of his barred window. Those bastards!

Som ji had no problem admitting that the BJP was also secretly working on wiping off all the symbols of the Mughal rulers, like Taj Mahal, Red Fort, Humayun's Mausoleum, Fatehpur Sikri and thousands of other structures across the country and 'restore' what, in his opinion, stands for the 'real Bharatvarsh'.

"These buildings are a blot on our Indian culture and will be removed from the pages of Indian history" our esteemed leader is on record saying while speaking in Meerut recently where he was unveiling the statue of the 8th Century Hindu King Anangpal Singh Tomar.

“I can tell you with complete guarantee that history will be changed. History, which was misrepresented and distorted, is being corrected now. The State government and the Central government are working to fix the history and include Lord Ram, Maharana Pratap, and Shivaji in the history books. The governments at the State and Centre are working to remove stories of the blot that Babur, Akbar and Aurangzeb stand for,” he said.

We can also take comfort in the fact that Som ji's political future is quite bright as he builds up a number of cases against himself involving communal riots, including the now-famous riot of Muzaffarnagar in 2013, and inciting trouble over consumption of beef by the Indian Muslims in Uttar Pradesh.

Whitewashing history is fun. Next stop, deleting pages of history about the British Raj in India. We should expect buildings like the Victoria Terminus (now Shivaji Chhatrapati Terminus), Victoria Memorial, most government buildings in Mumbai, Kolkata, and Delhi, including the famous Connaught Place, to come down soon and removed from both the history books and the tourist attraction lists for visitors. That'll teach those 'firangis' not to mess with us Indians!

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