The recent article titled “Paan Khaai Par Assembly Na Jaayi” brought memories of my cousin brother who, for a spell of time, was a great connoisseur of the paan. That spell was ended by his wife who threatened him with dire consequences if he did not give up his paan chewing. In the good old days, I remember he had once told me that the modern day zardas were useless. In the good old days of the Lucknowi Nawabs, paans with such potent zarda were eaten that one well aimed spit could make a tree dry up. As a kid I listened in rapt attention trying to visualize what was said.

In the so many years I spent on this planet, I have come across a vast variety of paan eaters. However, broadly speaking, there are two types of paan chewers. In the first category are the lowly proletariats and in the second, the Nawabs. Though their stained dentures look alike, similarities end there. There is great difference between the two categories.

The proletariat paan chewer can be easily spotted at the nukkad paan shop buying paans, gobbling some and having the others wrapped in leaves for future consumption. The works of art you see in public places are the creations of these talented artists. Engineers will realize that these gifted paan chewers have great insight in hydraulics, motion of liquids under pressure through nozzles, the science of projectile motion and the spread of liquids on impact. Each one has his own style, as individualistic as a thumb impression, but they all hit the target and leave their mark. They are true marksmen.

The other category is populated by the Nawabs. For the Nawab eating paan is a cultural statement which is to be performed in luxurious surroundings with an almost ceremonious air. The tools of the trade are a beautifully carved panbatta (the box in which the ingredients of paan are carried around) and the spittoon. The Nawab can not be seen at the nukkad paan shop. He is a connoisseur of paan and very few talented panwaris have the privilege of being on his preferred list. The Nawab does not mind traveling miles to get his regular refills. He homes onto the selected panwaris shop like a cruise missile from great distances.

Once the panbatta is filled the Nawab is ready to take on the world. At regular intervals during the day he declares paan breaks. With religious fervor a clean table is located and the panbatta placed in the center. The Nawab makes sure that either he is in the company of other connoisseurs or in the company of people who will appreciate his evolved tastes. The panbatta is opened and the aroma of zarda fills the air. The paan leaves are delicately unfolded. A brief speech is made, for the benefit of the less informed, about the varieties and qualities of paan leaves. An array of tiny containers and a red cloth are also extracted from the panbatta. Another speech is delivered about the zarda’s make, number (strength), color (kaala or peela) and the qualities of each kind. At this point, an odd looking contraption is extracted from the box and thin wafers of the areca nut (supari) are cut. The Nawab spreads the paan leaves, drops just the right amount of each ingredient on it and then folds the leaves with the alacrity and accuracy of an expert. Some paans are offered and some are neatly folded into the Nawab’s gaping mouth.

The conversation does not stop. As saliva fills in the mouth the angle of the head keeps increasing to avoid an unfortunate spillage. As the angle increases voices change. Some brave ones swallow the slurry of spit, katha, choona and zarda while others spit it out.

The paan break lasts at least half an hour but the time flexes with the interest and enthusiasm of the company of the Nawab. Life goes on between the paan breaks as per the availability of time and will of the Nawab till the wife comes along with belan (rolling pin) in her hand. Then, of course, the poor Nawab has to spit the royal habit, with all the knowledge and expertise collected over the years, along with the paan juice, pick up the vegetable bag and run to the market. What a colossal loss!!! - Rajesh Chaubey - Apr.3, 2006

Paan and Surati (tobacco) are like trademark of Bihar and UP. Legend is that unless there are some serious problems with teeth or mouth, paan and surati should not be discontinued.

"JAB DUKH NAHI DANT, TO PAAN AUR SURATI KAHE KO BAND"

Surati or tobacco also has another interesting property. It glorifies begging. Very proud people who will hesitate in asking anything will proudly beg surati from even a stranger. That is why it is said that "Paan" and "Surati" are directly from heaven.

"PAAN AUR SURATI AAI SWARG SE JAGAT PAR GAYI CHHAI"
"DAANT CHIYARE, HAATH PASARE KA BHAI TANKO BAI" - Kaushal Das - Apr.3, 2006

Kaushalji namaskaar!!! That two liner was great!!! - Rajesh Chaubey - Apr. 4, 2006

The topic was so interesting that we drifted of from the main issue that is the decision by Bihar Legislature to ban the practice of chewing paan and dipping "khaini" in the Bihar assembly. Well, concentrating on the main issue, a question comes to my mind. If our dear netas were eating paan and khaini in the Bihar assembly, where did they go to spit in the decades gone by? I doubt that our corpulent representatives would trudge the long aisle to the door every time the urge to spit surfaced. In the video footages shown on TV, I have never observed a spittoon inside the main hall of the assembly. Added to this, our contentious netas would not waste their precious time in such a mundane activity when the house was in session. So the question stands.

Years back someone had told me a joke. It was about a paan chewer who went to the cinema hall. The person sitting next asked him where he would go to spit. The fella asked his neighbor to watch and in a smooth operation spat into the pocket of the kurta of the man sitting on the other side. The neighbor was amazed. He asked "What if he catches you?" Our paan eating friend wiped his moustache as he replied "Did you catch me?"

Have our netas been doing the same for so many years? Talk of a run away imagination!!!

No wonder our netas threw mikes, papers, shoes and chappals at each other. We were inconsiderate and did not realize that our poor netas did it as they could not vent their emotions through their mouth. Their mouths were full of red saliva. If they opened it the spray, powered by their emotions, would liberally bathe friend and foe alike. That was the reason why they resorted to hurling handy objects at each other. This way they could express their grievances with accuracy, that is if they had good aim. My only hope is that, after the new rule, emotions will be expressed verbally. Will that increase the slogan shouting, swearing and abusing? Valid question again. The answer is wait and watch... Rajesh Chaubey - Apr. 4, 2006

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