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We have some religious sansthas in our city. We often go there for puja and for a brisk walk in their sprawling gardens. This time of the year the gardens are flooded with colors mainly from roses, marigolds and other winter seasonals. However, whenever I go there I am puzzled by one aspect. Those places are full of young foreigners, many of them in their thirties. These people mostly sit on the benches under shady trees reading religious books or are seen squatting on the lawns around an Indian guru listening to religious discourses.

I have often wondered what brings young people so far from home to a foreign land. They seem to be from more affluent countries. What could be the reason for youngsters to leave behind a rich, materialistic world with all its luxuries and fun? After all we are more used to seeing young Indians rushing to foreign lands for materialistic luxuries and fun leaving their families behind. People run after things they do not have. Our people run after their wealth but what are they running here for? Why do these foreigners leave behind all those who they hold dear to themselves to come and sit under a tree or squat on a lawn so far from home? Were they unhappy people in their respective societies? If yes, why? They had all one can aspire for in the line of luxury and fun at home.

The only answer I could figure out was that these poor fellows perhaps could not live up to the materialistic requirements of their societies. Some might be abandoned children, some may be abandoned spouses, the older ones may be abandoned parents etc. They all look serious and some show a tinge of sadness, or perhaps my imagination is running wild. However, to me they look sad.

Was not development aimed at bringing happiness for people? Development has increased the pace of life frighteningly in most developed societies. Such is the pace that there is no time for human sentiments, emotions and feelings. Marriages have become contracts, God’s bundles of joy, children have become liabilities. Some people who can take it no longer adopt weird ways like shooting in churches and schools and others run away from the rat race.

I think man has to stop this competitive rat race sometime to consider the trillion dollar question “Is our development in all its sophistication and complexity addressing the simple human need to be cared for, wanted and loved or is it tearing down the society, creating people who are worse than street dogs. People who know only know to eat and mate like the street dog. People who are so very obsessed by their own needs that they have no consideration for the needs or feelings of others. We may be building large factories and hugely sophisticated machinery but what kind of people are we making?”

Eastern societies are developing in more human friendly ways. Development may be slower but it has not ruined the strong human ties and the family system. Children grow up in emotional secure surroundings making friendly people. I guess it is more than high time people from materialistic societies start learning from eastern societies. There is a lot of unlearning they will have to do first to start from the basics again. It calls for a complete shift of the mental paradigm. The greed for money, bungalows, cars etc. have to be replaced by tender human emotions like love and caring. If we do not address these issues now, in our greed, we will end up creating a highly dangerous, polluted “developed” world with poisons in air, water & land and highly selfish, immoral people.

Comments:

Dear Rajeshji,

I am happy to read your article which is trying to make some points. Though some points are valid, many look like just assumption. I don't agree that eastern societies are happier than western societies and development is the culprit of all devils in society.

If I have to differentiate western society and eastern society, western seems to be individualistic. Everyone is an individual and they come first whatever they do. They do what they feel like. It doesn't mean that they don't like families and there are no values. I think they are more honest and don't do anything to make others happy. I feel that unless and until I am happy, I can't make others happy.

Comparatively in eastern societies, where children are the center of all the decisions, but isn't the child under tremendous pressure because others are deciding for him/her and expected to do lot. If a person leaves place for job or something, it is not materialistic/greedy but just the opportunity which drives you there. If I can become a doctor/engineer/scientist, why would I settle with being a shopkeeper/clerk. You have to see life outside otherwise it is like "frog in the well".

Now with the development, it is possible to talk or chat rather than waiting weeks for a letter. You feel more close than living in the same vicinity because you know the value of a family, specially once you are away.

Development is required because that is how we progress. Before humans evolved, Dinosaur has to become extinct. This is how things evolve and this is very natural. The fittest will survive as stated in theory of "natural selection". Earlier people used to die from fungal/viral/bacterial infection but once we cured it, we found that cancer is the major cause of death, so we now try to find cure for cancer. If we don't progress, we are no better than animals because thinking makes us human.

Probably we need a balance between eastern and western life but who are we to decide. Let the individuals decide because they have to face situations and decide how to respond. - Sanjeev Kumar - Jan. 14, 2006

Dinosaurs had small underdeveloped brains. They became extinct due to volcanic activity and meteor strikes. What an unfortunate end for such gigantic creatures. We are human, the supreme creation of God, with plenty of brains, far too much for our own good. We will "develop" ourselves to extinction. We have used science and technology to the fullest to build enough nuclear bombs that could destroy this planet more than ten times over. We have developed biological and chemical weapons for safe measure too. We will not be sitting ducks for some misguided meteor. We will use cutting edge technology to finish ourselves.

We ruin the very atmosphere we live in in the name of development. No country is willing to invest in and slow down its development to find environment friendly technologies. Greedy corporations dictate the social order. They ruin our social system for greed. The statement "When we are happy we can make others happy" is flawed in itself. That is the line all tutored frog from a western wells repeat. The western society is based on this greedy need to make oneself happy. Change your bungalows, change your cars, change your wives, discard old set of kids change to new set of kids, live in, live out, pump drugs, party like there is no tomorrow. And why not? I want to be happy. When I am through with being happy (and I do not know when), I may consider making someone else happy. Provided it is not too late and I am not lying penniless in some old age home.

The eastern philosophy says "Happiness is one thing you get by giving not by grabbing". That is the mantra on which the entire family / social system is based in countries with happy societies. The parents in such societies invest a almost a life time raising kids and grand kids. They plan for themselves, their kids and their grand-kids. Parallely they care for their parents and, God willing, their grand parents. That giving of affection, care and love brings joy to the individual. Perhaps some frogs from the west need to be brought to eastern societies.

We the egg headed creations of God are penny-wise pound foolish. We are paranoid about our rights. If someone smokes next to you, you object because the fellow is shifting you closer to lung cancer. You protest loudly or move away. However, when greedy corporation poison the atmosphere by releasing green house gases and by pollution making it unfit for us and our kids do we protest loudly enough? When greedy corporations dictate how we live do we protest? Had we protested the world would not have been what it is today. - Rajesh Chaubey - Jan. 15, 2006

Materialism and Individualism are so deeply ingrained in the west that almost nobody cares about others. I have seen parents sell stuff to kids and vice versa; sometimes it is called trade and sometimes sale. I don’t understand how a child can “sell” stuff to their parents or “loan” money. I have parents in Bihar and I still feel it is my responsibility to give them money, though my father has enough money on his own, and he does not depend on any of us. Occasionally, my father has asked me to send him money for some major purpose, and our culture has made him feel he has the authority to do this.

Still my mother, who is above 70, dictates her terms and conditions to my elder brother and me. I never feel humiliated or insulted: she is my mom and she can do whatever she feels is good for us. It is I think due to my Bihar and Indian culture where we were taught to respect elders. Even now, if I see any of my old teachers, I pay respect and get down off of any kind of ride I may be on to go and greet them. We were taught that after your parents it is your teachers who are your second guardians. The current generation does not seem to have any respect at all for their teachers. This could stem from any number of factors, but I think the teachers themselves are having a large negative effect for themselves. There is an impression that they teach solely for the money, and feel almost investment in their students’ learning and success. In 35 days, they could be out for 30 due to a strike or a holiday or a simple lack of commitment.

My mom put a condition on me that I must call her once a week. If I know I will be busy and will not be able to call, I let her know in advance. If I do not tell her what is happening, she will try and call me to get an answer. I know this is because she loves me and worries about me. Our values and traditions dictate that parents take care of the kids in the beginning and kids take care of the parents when they get older.

A long time ago, one of my friends told me she had to move out of her parents’ house because they were growing older and they needed their own privacy. I didn't understand her point. This concept was foreign to me. In my upbringing, I saw that older parents still liked having their children at home with them. In cases where the kids go off for work and can’t return to their home, they ask their parents to come. Neither parents nor children are considered a burden. When the kids are young, parents bring them along at the time. In India, when the parents age, the children bring them into their home to take care of them. The benefits are great. Grandparents take care of grandchildren if they are able. The youngest get to spend time with the elders of their family, and develop strong affection and respect for them. There is continuity for them in as far as values and morals. Parents do not have to worry about what a babysitter might be doing with their kids.

In the west, it seems that parents have little time for their own children. On the one hand, I understand the economic reasons. It seems that the expectation for women went from “get married and raise your children” to “maintain your career and get daycare for your children” in a relatively short period of time. With the pressure on both parents (if there are two present) to develop themselves fully, it seems that kids are pushed somewhere off to the side. It seems to me that in the west, the idea of self is first, then some kind of identity attached to the work they do, then maybe the family stuff comes into play.

Marriages seem as incidental as clothing. There does not appear to be much thought put into dissolving relationships. I am still surprised when I hear people talk casually of their former first or second spouse. It is common for people to have children by multiple partners. Men complain about paying child support and some women seem to gloat that that is how they are able to live. Marriages break up for substance abuse, or extramarital affairs or “irreconcilable differences”. It is not that we do not have these habits in India, but I have never seen any woman leave her husband because he slept with another woman. Instead, she fights hard to keep him away from another woman. Men go out for work, sometimes to another city, or state or country and the women stay back in India. Men stay away for year or more, and still their relations are not sour and headed for divorce. Marriage is more than just legal sex for most Indians. It has a soul attachment. In the west, it seems to me that they like to hear the words, and do not care if there is any action to back them up. Love is just a word. It doesn’t get planted and grow simply because it is repeated. Love is demonstrated in how we take care, what we do and how we do.

Sad to say, but I think many Indian societies are racing with the west. There are some things that are good about the culture of the west, but there are a great many ills as well. I do not think we should blindly embrace everything western. It is human nature to want to be free and not take responsibility. The truth is that everything has its limits. It is a thin line between provocative and vulgar.

Last week, I went to a gas station and found the owner is a Pakistani. We exchanged greetings and soon became friendly, as we both speak same language. He offered me some Indian songs on DVD. He also mentioned the videos are mostly naked. I would not use the term naked, but the clothing was most revealing. Where we were 20 years ago and where we are now? I can say I am old fashioned. New movies or new songs do not appeal to me so much. I go to Montreal (Canada) to buy movies and the store owner and I have developed a long-standing friendship of a kind. He knows that I like old movies so he will tell me first what he has available that might appeal to me.

I choose for myself, mind you, and I do not wish to impose my choice on others. To my way of thinking, that detracts from the dignity of thinking adults. My choice, as far as western culture would be this: take the things that are beneficial to the development of respectful, thoughtful individuals, but the leave the things that degrade human beings and hasten us toward ruin. - S. M. Khurshid Anwar - Jan. 15, 2006

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