Pregnancy and Motherhood

by S M Khurshid Anwar

March 18, 2006

"Main Aurat Hoon. Aurat, Hauwa Ki Beti. Aasman se bheji gayi Noor ki woh paas mukadas bund, jo sadiyon se is zameen ko sinchati chali aayi hai. Main Aurat Hoon. Maine hi pyar ke rang birange phool khilake is duniya ko zannat banaya. Maine hi apni kokh se mard ko janam diya... Kab apni pakeezgi ka saboot dene ke liye mujhe sholon mein jhoolasna pade. Kab janamte hi madri jaoon... Kyonki main ek aurat hoon?" (I am a woman. A woman, a daughter of Eve. Sent by God, the most sacred and pious drop of water, which has been irrigating this world since time began. I am a woman. I am the one who makes this world heaven after cultivating the colourful flower of love. I give birth to man from my womb... When will I have to go through the fire to prove my innocence? Will I be killed right after my birth... because I am a Woman?) - Bollywood movie Nikah, 1982.

I want to dedicate this piece to all the daughters of Eve, especially in light of March 8 being International Women's Day. Our beloved mother, Eve, must be ashamed that her daughters are now killing their own siblings for the sake of a few thousand rupees.

The government and the judiciary should also put some checks and balances in place on doctors who do maternal surgery - a major operation worth more money. There are lots of cases when a delivery can be normal without any need of surgery, but doctors make the case complicated, creating situations when patients or their families agree to certain measures (i.e., surgery) to save the life of a wife or a daughter. Now the patient has a longer recovery in a dark and ugly ward with no facilities and no homely feeling. Hefty fees are paid in the name of beds and medicines and additional tests - some of which carry a commission when doctors direct patients to certain pharmacies or medical offices to make purchases. You name it and they will create the situation, as they make commission money from every place. Besides these, you have to pay nurses/maids as if they are doing a special favor by serving you. In the 1970s and 80s, some situations like these with doctors gained notoriety in the United States. The public pressure forced medical professionals to practice a bit differently. Patients were encouraged to become educated health care consumers and to ask pointed questions about diagnosis and treatment. They were taught to seek second opinion when it was possible.

I read this news: "The Nitish Kumar led-NDA government for the first time in the history of Bihar on Thursday conducted raids to unearth a racket involving prominent gynaecologists in the city in the determination of the sex of unborn child and female foeticide in violation of the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques Act 1996. The daylong raids on six clinics in the city following a sting operation by a news channel exposed the involvement of a section of doctors in female foeticide."

I am in support of this type of sting operation. We should support the media in exposing anyone who is doing corrupt practice. As concerned people, we should look carefully at these kinds of sensational tactics. It behooves upon us to be responsible in these kinds of matters. I think there is a kind of expectation among us that doctors should be held to higher standards of conduct and morality - we have learned that our lives are often in their hands. I personally believe that going after people without just cause, with the intent to humiliate, is not the best we can do. Abusing the trust of patients is not the best thing that doctors can do, either. Perhaps the temptation among some esteemed professionals is to forget that they are mere humans.

It is said that a female becomes a woman only when she becomes a mother. Being a mother should be a kind of prestige for a woman. This is a big job for her. She has kept her child in her womb for nine months. She changed her habits of eating, drinking and other activities to make sure her baby is born healthy. Once a child is born, mother and baby create a strong bond. By taking care and staying close, feeding and being attentive, mothers know what the baby is signaling when no one else knows. Only a mother breast-feeds her baby and it is considered the most pious of activities and never raised as a sexual issue.

I have heard of rude nurses who abuse pregnant mothers, saying some bad sexual words, like "how did you like getting xxxxxx during that time and now you are crying?" I feel ashamed about this. In the United States, most pregnant women function in the workplace and in their communities without any shame. They do not seem to feel bad about gaining weight or the changing shape of their bodies. Gifts from God should not be hidden, and a new baby is surely a gift! Women proudly share the due dates of their babies. They come to work as long as they are able and comfortable. Recently a friend of mine was pregnant and she was always excited to talk about the expected arrival date. In our office, we all knew when she would be taking her maternity leave. When her baby was born, the supervisors sent announcements to all of us via email. After delivery, my friend came with the baby so we could all see her daughter.

How long will that old saying be true that behind every successful man, there is a woman? How long will this be a reflection of reality? How long will our species survive with purposeful extermination of females? Is dowry enough reason to extinguish a life? Is the money spent to educate a female any less well spent than the money to educate a male? Again, what is the point of amassing wealth if we lose our very humanity? How much is your soul worth? Instead of respecting women, we are discriminating against them. In the land of Sita, Laxmi (the goddess of wealth), and Saraswati (goddess of education), this would seem impossibility. Once it was considered that a girl born into the family brings prosperity and intelligence; and now we are ready to destroy them.

The other day, I heard a song from "Purab aur Pachhim" sung by Mahendra Kapoor "…Bharat Ka Rahne Wala hoon Bharat ki Baat Batata hoon; ...Jahan Ram abhi tak hai nar mein, nari me abhi tak Sita hai." I am sure that soon Mahendra Kapoor will have to sing something different or be forced to apologize for this one! It is said that the biggest enemy of a woman is not a man, but another woman.
 

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